Phan: “Oh please. Do I look like some damn teenager? That’s ridiculous. I’m 27 years old! I don’t have time for little kid games.”

Candlelight: “Come on, Sis. Don’t you think it’s a little romantic?”

Phan: “What the shit is romantic about kissing a random stranger under a plant? That’s harassment.”

Candlelight: “You are no fun at all, Phan!”

Phan: “Hey, show me some Smack Daniel’s, some cheese puffs, and that twerk beat on Filly Flank’s latest album, and I’ll show you some fun. Mistletoe? Nah.

…I guess a kiss would be pretty bomb, though.”